I don’t know what it is. Spring fever? Mid-thirties crisis? Who knows? But I’ve been going through some sort of a… thing… lately.
The signs are subtle.
Take my wallet, for example. For some reason, it’s making me unhappy. I never find what I need in it, it’s hard to get to the coin holder area, not enough card slots. So I’ve been looking for a new one, but I just can’t find one that fits all of my requirements. Trust me, I’ve been looking.
Same with shoes: I need something practical that I can kick off and put on easily when I drop off Sam at daycare. But I want it to be cute and stylish and well, “me.” I have tons of shoes in my closet, but lately I’ve been wearing two or three pairs on a constant rotation. I am sick of them, but can’t find the inner strength to switch to something less practical but more stylish in my closet.
And don’t even get me started on my purse! What a mess! It’s full of little plastic containers of Cheerios and raisins, hand sanitizers of all shapes and sizes, a couple of Matchboxes and board books. No wonder Sam thinks it’s his bag.
I have tried going to mall and allowing myself to buy what speaks to me — shoes, bags, wallets, clothes — no matter what they cost. I actually left the mall empty-handed.
What is going on?
My Mom said that I was going through some sort of transition from… Well, I am not sure from what to what. But I think she is right. My mom-self is trying to reconcile itself with my wife-self, Zsofi-self, professional-self, woman-self. No easy task. And definitely not a transition that can be easily crossed with a new purse. But I’ll keep trying.